what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
