So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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