my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
