I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm like, not good at living.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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