My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
