i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
