Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
