Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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