If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
