Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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