You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
