you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
