I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
