Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there's paper in my vomit.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize