I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You're like the curious george of whores
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
