I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're too hungover to prance.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
