I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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