there was a trapeze. enough said
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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