They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
