everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
