its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
