We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
