Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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