East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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