he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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