Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
