I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
