Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
