Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
