i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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