You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
