hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
