i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
