just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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