You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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