On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
