Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
