Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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