Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
