If that was your dad, he is hot
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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