I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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