It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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