Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize