He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
