can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
