Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
