The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
