She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
