I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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