I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
