Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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