forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
