Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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