laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
