Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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