Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
