His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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