Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
