I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
