You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my being single is dangerous.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
