His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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