shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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