dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
