Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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