Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
