Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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