um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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