so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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