my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
