I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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