I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
